The 12 days of Detox - Day 9

Not much change really from Day 8.  No coffee still. I miss it, but I feel like I am over it.  Which is good right? I mean I don't depend on it like a lot of others. If I didn't get it, I would be floopy.  My words wouldn't make sense, people talking loudly hurt, I struggled to speak, and I would be drowsy.  I have to say, kicking the coffee habit is the best decision I have made about my health, since I quit smoking 12 yrs ago.  Its not easy, and it was scary going into this detox for many reasons, coffee being one of them. Although, I am allowed the 2 cups of black coffee, it wasn't the same. Do I need coffee? No, but yes, because I created that situation to NEED it.  The first 4 days were rough! Such headaches. I still get them, not as bad and not as often.  My body is learning to live without it.

I have talked to a few people about my detox.  Most people say "I can't go without (insert desires)".  I mean its 12 days. Its really just about your desire to do the things you do. You either have to say, I can or can't. If you can't, live with the consequences.  Its easy for me to say all this now, because I have chosen to be this way. When this cleanse is over, will I return to the old me? The "its ok to eat chips" or "bigger portion cos im starving" (caused by not eating properly all day) or the "I will do better tomorrow", that's the old me. I could justify anything. Now? I just want to not shit all day cos I ate something bad. I hope to return to this blog entry to remind myself how I feel in this moment. Liberated. I seriously feel liberated. I don't know how or why really. But I do, and I am afraid I will revert back to the old me, when I want the new me.

I wasn't a pig before with bad foods. When looking at what I could eat on this list, I was excited!! Its food I love, chicken, beef, rice, potatoes, veggies.  Stuff I already ate. With the absence of dairy (oh gawd, I miss cheese), yeast, flours, sugars, tropical fruits.  I thought I ate fairly healthy. I have always loved breakfast, lunch and dinner. I always ate my 3 meals.  This cleanse tho, cut out all the crap. I am still eating great food and plenty of it, minus the crap.  I didn't realize the emotional and psychological impact that would have on me.  On the upside, I have found I love fish and spinach. They will stay with me wherever I go from this cleanse.

That being said. I pooped so much today. Insane. I swear to God, there was a spinach leaf floating at one point. I had that inner monologue with myself

"What is that? Is that from my kidney or something?"
staring.
"Wait, that's a spinach leaf?"
staring.
"Don't I chew my spinach?"
flushing.
"Or is it magical, like corn, chewed but then becomes whole in my belly"
washing hands.
"Wow".

mental note: chew spinach more thoroughly.

Today for breakfast, I had natural oats with blueberries and strawberries mixed in.
For lunch, I had a chicken breast, a small baked potato with butter/salt and spinach.
I just finished a delish dinner. Broiled halibut laid on a bed of rice with asparagus on the side.  Does that sound difficult? Such a sacrifice? How can I do this? Right. Stop kidding yourself, you deserve to take a chance and see what happens. Maybe you will suffer with no reward, or maybe, just maybe, you will surprise yourself and be proud.

PEACE! (and popcorn)