Peeling back the layers

This is a Quinn blog today, again.  Expect them for a bit as we are going through something really big here at my household.  With the approval from FSCD, we were given in home counselling by the Scope Children Society.  They're to help us learn how to parent a child with special needs.  Things are going fantastic and our counseller Trish is amazing. We love her.  She is so easy to work with and comes to us with so much experience, and she gets that we are clueless.

Chewlery!

She asked us to think about behaviours we would like to change in Quinn.  My first thought was, "He is so well behaved. He's happy, positive, kind, generous, and effortless!  What is there to change?" She told me to think about it, and observe him a bit closer with that thought in mind.  The first thing I wrote down was "putting things in his mouth".  EVERYTHING goes in his mouth. His cell phone, remotes, toys, paper, wrappers, fingers, clothes, etc.  Drives me nuts!!  So, I shared that with her.  She asked about his favourite foods, not following, I was like "carrots, celery, steak, and cucumbers".  She nodded yes and said "Sounds like he might have Oral Sensory".    Andrew and I stared at eachother with a "huh?" look.  She explained that he likes foods that he crunch or he has to work hard at eating, puts things in his mouth, anything.  She asked us "Does he concentrate more when he has stuff in his mouth? When is he putting stuff in his mouth?" I told her mostly when playing on his laptop or watching tv.  She said he does that to focus and concentrate, that he needs that sensation of something in his mouth.  Andrew and I had that "ah ha" moment. It all made sense! She offered him a piece of Chewlery.  As seen in the pic here, its a necklace he can chew on and wear.  The first two days he wore it, he barely ate (over eating is a problem with him, eating every 30 mins)!   She also recommended that we buy fishtank tubing (those plastic tubes used on filters in a fish tank) to put at the end of his pencils so he has that to chew on at school!  She is a genius!


Please note, altho that was a huge eye opening experience, as we peel back the layers to learn about our son and his Aspergers, its a very emotional journey.  I actually cried upon learning he has an Oral Sensory issue.  One more thing to add to the list I guess.  See? I am getting a list. Do you think I want a list?


Today, I made a status update on Facebook that I got from my friend Kate.  It read:


Tonight a lot of creatures will visit your door. Be open minded. The child who is grabbing more than one piece of candy might have poor fine motor skills. The child who takes forever to pick out one piece of candy might have motor planning issues. The child who does not say trick or treat or thank you might be shy or non-verbal. The child who looks disappointed when he sees your bowl might have anallergy. The child who isn't wearing a costume at all might have SPD or autism. Be nice. Be patient. Its everyone's Halloween. Make a mom feel good by making a big deal of her special child.

*Copied from a friend's post...repost if you'd like. People can never understand it if they haven't been through it.


I posted it on my Facebook status, and then cried. I had that moment of WHY do I have to say things like this? Why do I have to tell the world this, to make his life easier? It was one of those mommy breakdown moments.


The breakdown then occurred on my car ride home as once again, I was overcome with my personal pity party.


Quinn had a fantastic Halloween. He has been some kind/colour of a Ninja for 5 years.  This year, was different tho. This year he was Camouflage guy. Not sure what that was but I supported it! Also, his first time letting his face be painted.  He doesn't like stuff on his face, so this was also a big thing!


Proud of him!


We have an appointment with Trish tomorrow. I am already nervous to peel off the next layer of Aspergers.

A whole lot of updating.

My last blog post was about our Walk for Autism. So let me update about that.

Our walk was a huge success!  The Aspie Avengers showed up in our custom tshirts and our capes made by Jesse.  We were in the front part of the pack, about 75 people back, and Quinn was annoyed about how slow we were walking, so he took off running. We didn't see him again until we crossed the finished line! He finished the 3k walk first!  Hilary got her face painted like a clown.  Hilary actually made a vlog about our walk. It falls off the rails when the walk was over, but she did a great job!

Quinn is doing not so great in school.  He did have a small bullying issue on the school bus, a kid was calling him gay.  He knew that wasn't really an insult so that didn't bother him, however, he knew what the kid was trying to do.  We spoke to the Vice Principle and they worked on resolution.  Yesterday, Quinn brought home his interim report card, its the halfway point in the semester, so they gave us a snap shot.  He is failing math and science. Which is odd, cos those are his best subjects. For his usually difficult ones, he's passing.  Weird.  We will meet with the teachers on Friday and see if we can figure that out.    We are also now getting some counselling for parents with special needs kids.  They help us come together as parents and how to manage Quinn.  Typical punishments don't work for kids like him.  So far so good!

Speaking of Quinn, he had a friend come over. Let's call him Bob.  Bob has been a good friend to Quinn since moving to his new jr high.  Bob came over for a sleep over.  Bob asked Hilary for practice doing it with his girlfriend.  Hilary was confused and said "it?" and he was like "yeah, I want to do it with you" and she was like "Omg, do you mean sex?" and he said "yes, I want to practice for when I get my girlfriend" Hilary was astonished and said "NO".  Apparently, Quinn said "you got guts man".  Hilary told Sandra, Andrew and I.  We laughed hysterically for like 15 mins.  But Hilary was totally creeped out.  When it was time for bed, I went into Quinn's room and I said "Did Bob really ask Hilary for sex?" Quinn responded with "Ya, because he needs to practice" and  I was like "Quinn, that is very inappropriate for him to ask that" but Quinn just didn't get it "He said he needs to practice sex".  Now, I have tried numerous times to talk about sex with Quinn but he shuts down when we do, which is why I was in the place of awkward.  So I just blurted it out "Quinn, Bob wants to put his penis in Hilary's vagina" and he made a gross face and said "oh". I was like FINALLY, he gets it! But, then he said "OK then, but he needs to practice". I told him we would talk about this further because clearly he wasn't getting how severe this was.

I tucked the boys in and said "Stay in your beds, and no bothering the girls" and went downstairs to my room and got ready for bed.  We were brushing our teeth when I got the text from Hilary saying "omg, he came into my room looking for sex". I thought she was kidding, then she responded with "Sandra is here in my room and I am super creeped out".  So she came to me and said that what had happened was, she was in bed, and she heard a knock on her door and said yes?  "Hilary, are you ready for sex now?" and she was like "Uhm no, I said no"  He opened her door and said "are you sure?" and she was like "yes, get out"  as he turned and left he said "I am ready, so just come see me on the couch".

At that point, I said to Andrew "he needs to go home".  We both agreed, after talking to Hilary and her saying she was worried he might try again when she was asleep.  I called his dad, he wasn't too happy to get that phone call, I explained to him what had happened, that we weren't upset about him asking Hilary but the fact that he went to her room was the problem.  He understood and said he had to wake up another child to pick him up, so I offered to drive him home.  It was the longest most awkward drive ever.  Bob apologized immediately upon me saying I was taking him home. I told him I wasn't mad at him, but that he was inappropriate and that Hilary was very uncomfortable.  When we got to Bob's house, his dad didn't even come to the door. I made Bob go get him.  I told him right away, "Bob has apologized to us already and we are not mad at him.  We plan on talking to Quinn about sex, he has Aspergers and he just doesn't get it, and perhaps if he had, he could've been a better friend to Bob tonight".  The dad then looked at me and said "Yah, I will deal with it" he then shut the door and turned off the outside light.  Awkward.

Bob has since called and apologized again. I told him we were OK and he and Quinn can still hang out.  Quinn still hangs with Bob, but not as much. He has branched out to other kids.

I have more to talk about, but I don't have time! Another day it will have to be!!