50 Shades of Cray Cray Panda.

I chose to show someone my blogging from my 12 days of detox and realized that I haven't been around in a while.  I know I don't have any random loyal readers, just my friends when they choose to read what I am thinking. Bad grammar and all. I don't think I need to apologize, but just in case this is for you, SORRY!

Guess I didn't need to blog, or maybe, I was afraid to blog. I have been going through a lot lately. I started seeing a therapist to help me feel better. I have always believed myself to be a strong woman, but yet I found myself sobbing uncontrollably and just wanting to curl up in my bed and fall asleep. Never was I suicidal, but I was so worried I had depression.  My therapist listened to me for a long time and determined I am just stressed out, and I am just not use to it.  Most of it is from raising a teenage daughter who is sexually active, loves pot and hates school.  Its been very hard to manage, and work was always my release, but work has been so stressful as of late.  Put it all together, I was a sad panda.  Then, I was angry panda. I found myself getting very angry. Then I was panic panda. Of course came overwhelmed panda.  Honestly, I was like 50 shades of cray cray panda

After sharing my story with my girlfriends, one of the girls, Channing, shared a link with me. This is what it says:

Premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). Like PMS, premenstrual dysphoric disorder follows a predictable, cyclic pattern. Symptoms begin in the late luteal phase of the menstrual cycle (after ovulation) and end shortly after menstruation begins.^[6]

Emotional symptoms are generally present, and in PMDD, mood symptoms are dominant.^[6] Substantial disruption to personal relationships is typical for women with PMDD.^[6]Anxiety, anger, and depression may also occur. The main symptoms, which can be disabling, include^[7]

• feelings of deep sadness or despair
• feelings of intense tension or anxiety
• increased intense sensitivity to rejection or criticism
• panic attacks
• rapid and severe mood swings, bouts of uncontrollable crying
• lasting irritability or anger, increased interpersonal conflicts; typically sufferers are unaware of the impact they have on those close to them
• apathy or disinterest in daily activities and relationships
• difficulty concentrating
• chronic fatigue
• food cravings or binge eating
• insomnia or hypersomnia; sleeping more than usual, or (in a smaller group of sufferers) being unable to sleep
• feeling overwhelmed or feelings of being out of control
• increase or decrease in sex drive
• increased need for emotional closeness

Common physical symptoms include:

• breast tenderness or swelling, heart palpitations, headaches, joint or muscle pain, swollen face and nose
• an altered view of one's body - a sensation of 'bloating', feeling fat or actual weight gain.

Five or more of these symptoms may indicate PMDD.

Click here for more information on PMDD       

Blew my mind.


I don't know what I am doing with this information, I just feel less crazy.  I am trying to manage my daughter and my reactions to her behaviour, and find some long term solutions.  Then there is the PMDD stuff. Yikes. Being a woman is tough!  Least I understand what I am going through now.

I wish I had something funny to share to close this blog, but I am just left feeling OK about what I have written. 

and....

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*yells* GET ME SOME CHOCOLATE ITS CRAY CRAY PANDA TIME!