I am sitting here eating a salad. I hate salad. I dislike cold food. But something has completely won me over, its goat cheese covered in cranberries and cinnamon. OMG. I want to eat this on everything. Right now my salad is a mix of arugula and baby spinach with some balsamic vinegar drizzled over topped with pecans and the goat cheese. OH MAH LAWD. Its so amazing! Doesn't it look yummy? I mean, if you are into that kind of thing - you know, delicious food!So, as I eat I am marveling at my progress. I am having a GOOD day. Know that there some bad days, they do exist. I have those days where I look in the mirror and my shape is the same as its always been. That part is totally true. But what I am not seeing is how much it has shrunk. I know logically I have shrunk, don't get me wrong. But my boobs still look like round flat pancakes that are just above my belly that is long and hanging. I call that belly the sack of feelings, or the belly flap that hid my vagina. I know the sack has risen up as I can now see pubic hair. So that is new! I was like "Hey there old friend! Sorry I suffocated you for years and kept you in the dark, but now you are free! Breathe! See the world!" I am now nodding nostalgically for my vagina. Anyways, today isn't that day where I stare at the mirror and say "I have lost 87lbs from where???" No sir. Today is a day where I am going "Wow, looking good McKay!"
These days usually come after going to work and hearing everyone exclaim how different I look, so its weird I am feeling this way today. I had a decent work out today and I am eating salad. This can be the only explanation. I found today at the gym I could do things better. I am not going as frequently as I should, so my goal next week is to go Monday, Wednesday and Thursday. But for only going a couple times a week, I am slightly improving. Its still very difficult for me to do a lot of the workouts, but my stamina is slowly building. With a work out comes an energy burst, so maybe I am just on an energy high? Or maybe its because I can do simple tasks like tie my shoes, do leg stretching, and jog? I don't know all I can tell you is that right now inside I am just so happy!
I began eating earlier in the day and that has increased my appetite. I haven't been logging my food into MyFitnessPal as I should be, but I have decided that since the scale is steadily dropping I am not going to worry so much about that. If and WHEN I plateau I will log my food and see where I am deficit and causing the plateau.
I am also trying not to weigh myself daily, this may sound like such a simple task but for me it just isn't. When I have gone to the extreme of having weight loss surgery my losing is so incredibly important to me. My whole world revolves around my weight loss. I have decided to go public with it with an intention of accountability. So after everything I have gone/going through, losing is the only option. So I am admittingly obsessed with my weight, my loss and my scale. With that being said, if I don't lose or even if I go up, I don't get a sad/angry/despair feeling. I feel nothing actually. I just go "crap" I step off and go about my day. I don't dwell on that number because I know tomorrow is a new day. When its down, it motivates me to keep working super hard at it. Make good choices, eat often and drink my water!
Believing that I deserved a better quality of life, that was the biggest obstacle in my way. I was in my own way. But that is gone, and now that I am already experiencing a better quality of life and the best part? I know its only going to get better! That motivates me each and every day.
I deserve a better quality of life.
My husband deserves his wife to be by his side when we are old.
My kids deserve a mother who is there for all their milestones in life.
I deserve to live!
Today is a good day and I earned it.
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