I am FRUSTRATED with Autism!!

I just sent this email off to Society for Treatment of Autism:

Hi There,

My son was diagnosed with Aspergers and ADHD when he was 8.  He is now 11 and we are no further ahead than we were 3 yrs ago.  We were told his diagnosis and left to fend for ourselves. As I follow link, after link, after link, I am getting frustrated and overwhelmed.

Why can’t it be simple?  Why can’t it be like this:  1. Diagnoses 2. Here is where you get funding 3. Now get the help you need ie: social classes, OT, Speech

So far I have been stuck on 2 so we haven’t advanced to 3.  A friend pointed us to FSCD and we just got the forms in the mail so I am filling those out.  My son goes to JR High next year and I am terrified.  Can you help me?

Sincerely,

Jody McKay

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Everything that I know what I am suppose to do comes from word of mouth from other parents.  It shouldn't be this difficult. I start out typing Aspergers, Calgary into a search engine.  A few links come up and they all talk about Aspergers and what the challenges are but none of them actually help.  

I don't know how to get funding to pay for what my son needs. I can't believe all money for Autism/Aspergers is split up between 20 friggin organizations, and I have to figure out how to get money to pay for Occupational  Therapy, Social classes and Speech.  

This needs to be mainstreamed, and Psychologists and the Government need to speak to each other.  The Gov needs to create a hand out for Dr.s so that way they can truly help us.  Once we were told our son has Aspergers and ADHD, we should've been handed a folder with  steps inside.

1. Call this number or visit this website and start receiving funding.

or to make it simple, OT, Social Classes and Speech should be free - call this number to get appts. Then I don't need to go thru the bullshit of finding funding.

2. Since free won't happen, list where I can get help.  

When you spend 2 hrs going from website to website and clicking link after link, hoping for the "magical" link (click here to get funding), it gets way overwhelming and you begin to feel like a failure. DUMB.  

Then you sit down at lunch with some co-workers and you find out there kid is half the age of your kid and doesn't even have a diagnoses per se, but they have funding and their kids are getting all stuff your kid needs.  You feel like a frigging moron and a failure.  Then anger sets in.  How is that someone figured this stuff out and I haven't? No diagnoses, and they get everything.  My kid is older and has nothing. WHY?

I met with a friend yesterday whose son is 13 yrs old and they have been pay out of their pocket all the expenses.  I asked why they didn't have funding, and then it was like me talking. "I have looked and I can't figure it out.  I don't know where to go".  I felt sad but inside, happy that I wasn't the only moron.  We shared our feelings of how we felt stupid and frustrated and for once....it was nice to know, I wasn't alone.  This isn't OK for us to feel that way. Something needs to change.

Now, a dear friend had pointed me in the direction of FSCD for residents of Alberta, to get funding and help. I think so far this is the best lead I have been given.  She is also the one who directed me to STA (Society of Treatment for Autism) and the recipient of the email above.  So, if you are in Alberta the following link will be of help  Government of Alberta

If you can help me find the way to dealing with this, please leave me a msg.

My son has Aspergers and it makes me sad.

So, tomorrow is World Autism Awareness Day.  My son Quinn has Aspergers, a spectrum of Autism. He also has ADHD.  There is an app on facebook where you can post a blue light. As the logo goes, Light it up Blue.  Andrew and I asked several of our friends who know Quinn to post that badge and wear blue tomorrow to support Autism.  As I seen in my feed the badges being posted, it brought a tear to my eye.  To see that people we love and care about, show us the same. To show, that it matters to them also just overwhelmed me.  My son has Aspergers and sometimes it just makes me cry.

It took me a long time to feel anything about it. When we found out, it was like a switch went off! We were like "Aha!".  Too bad it took until he was 8 years old to figure that one out.  Life has been "easier" since we found out.  I don't mean its easy for him or us, just that now, we know why.

As soon as we found out why, everything came together. Why he shuts down. Why he doesn't remember things. Why being in a large group is a problem.  Why music makes him freak out.  Why we can't have any food scrapings in the sink.  Why he gets upset when styrofoam rubs together.  Why he invades personal space.  Why he doesn't understand my angry face. Why he doesn't eat when we travel.  WHY WHY WHY. Because, he has Aspergers.

Most of the time, it is like he is normal.  Then, we get the call from the school about "incidents".  Where, he shuts down or uses violence to deal with a situation.  He is not like that child on the show "Parenthood".  Quinn is a happy go lucky kid.  Very social and loves to play with other kids.  Like most Aspies, he is into anything that evolves. I know way too much about Pokemon.

His friends in grade 6 right now are into grooming and how they look.  They text and like girls. Quinn, is equivelant to a kid in grade 4.  He wants to play, talk about Bakugan, and imaginary play.  Next year is Jr. High.  We have decided to mainstream him into the public system from his Art School Charter as they aren't meeting our needs.  I am terrified and worry about next year.  If it doesn't go well, it was my decision to mainstream him.  When, I think about how he will get teased and possibly bullied, it makes me cry.

I want him to be ok. I know in the end he will be. I have read countless stories of Aspies who have it all. I have read blogs by grown Aspies.  These all give me hope.

Tomorrow I will wear blue to support Autism Awareness Day. I hope you will too.  Thank you to so many of you who support me and my family.

Finally, a break in the weather.

For the past 3 days, I have woken up to snow and fog here in Calgary.  When you hear that it is officially Spring and you wake up that, it really puts a damper on your day.  Today however, is sunny and warm.  By Friday we shall see up to 11 for the high.  That makes me very happy.

There was a poll in our city about how we felt about the snow clearing process this year in the city.  The past years had been so dismal and everyone was so angry.  So did our new Mayor come through with his snow clearing promises? I would say yes. In comparisons to previous years. Most definitely.  I think there is still room for improvement. But overall, I was happier this year.

Time is most certainly flying by.  I was just thinking about how I don't have any trips planned to visit anyone. I have some vacation time in June and I am going home to PEI for Canada Day with the kids. I am looking forward to just spending time with my parents.

I work in a call center for an airline and often get bereavement calls.  This stuff is always on my mind. My parents will go one day.  I feel like I am wasting valuable time with them. I know they have many many years left in their lives, but its a feeling I can't overcome.  I long for the day they will retire and we can spend more time visiting each other and truly enjoy the rest of their lives.

Then there is another way to go, my dearest friend Cherie just had her 2nd baby a few days ago.  I want to go to Toronto and visit with my friends there.  I think I will.  My friend Sam is always asking us to go visit her, plus she has this sweet new condo!!! I think I might take 5 days and go to Toronto and hang with Sam, and see Cherie.  I will see if this will work for them or not.

We must remember to stop the rat race and be there for the people who count in our lives. My friends are always there for me. My support system is unbelievable and I definitely count myself as very rich in that area of my life.

Inevitably, my thoughts always come back to my weight and health.  Health wise I am ok, but will be better when I get my weight under control.  If I don't get it under control, my fibroid will grow and that of course is an issue.  So, I have decided to take advantage of a coupon thingy where I get 25 classes for $20 at Platoon Fitness.  I will go Tues and Thurs to a female bootcamp.  I am terrified and excited.  I am also thinking of doing another detox to get myself back on track for clean eating.  My friend Rita who did the cleanse with me worked out during the time of the detox and when it was over, continued with the eating and exercise plan.  To date she has lost over 50lbs.  AMAZING! I lost 17lbs during my last Biggest Loser, and I have enrolled again for the Spring Edition.  It is time to stop being a Jody and be a Rita.  I have the constant support from my friend Kelly who pushes me every day to run up my stairs 5 times at minimum.  I can barely do that. My legs burn and so do my lungs. But, no pain, no gain right?

Andrew blew out a tire today and is waiting for his car to be fixed.  He his blowing off his work schedule today since its messed up anyways, and has asked me to be his date for the day! So, off to shower and spend some quality time with my hubby!

Much love everyone :)

I've been waiting...for a thought like you.

I want to blog. I need to blog. I come here everyday and look at my blog waiting for the idea of what I am going to blog about. I only have random thoughts today. Which is, after all, what my blog contains.

Its my birthday tomorrow. I turn 36. I am OK with that.

Eating right is fun. Makes me feel good inside. I stared at some Cadbury mini eggs for about 5 minutes today having that inner monologue about how good they would be, but how I didn't need them. I didn't buy them.  I am hoping to have birthday cake tomorrow. So at this point, that is my choice.  Its all about making choices.

Hilary and I haven't chosen a new series yet. We are thinking Gilmore Girls. I was hoping for something slightly older, but it seems to be the right choice.

I have always bitten my nails.  Its a nasty habit and I haven't bitten my nails in weeks! They have been growing but they are still short. I just kept clipping and filing them and wearing nail strengthener.  So they are short, but strong :)

I enrolled Quinn in a regular Jr. High for next year. I am nervous but excited. He won't have the support group he is used to from his charter art school, but he will get the Asperger support he needs in the form of an aid or IPP.  Hilary is off to Highschool in the fall. My kids are getting older!

I am going to the movies tonight to see Beastley with Michelle as an early bday gift.  I am excited for some Michelle time. Its important for mom's to take time out from the house and be themselves.  I love my family and my husband, but I am really at the point where I need at least one day a week for me. Just me.   Sometimes, I don't mind incorporating one of them into my "me" time. But I find I am so much happier in life and that transcends into my home life when I get my time. Ya know? I need my identity of Jody. Not just mom or wife.    Also important, taking time to be with your spouse.  Women who are family women need to remember that.  Don't be just all about your kids. They are number one in my books when it comes to providing and keeping them safe. I would happily end mine or Andrew's life to save theirs but how often do you find yourself in that situation?? Hopefully NEVER!  But in the meantime, take the "me" time and take your  "couple" time to ensure your marriage is strong.  When the lady of the home is happy, so is everyone else.

In closing of this blog, just in case Mother Nature didn't know it, SPRING IS HERE NOW!!! So, please Mother Nature, no more snow. Kthxbye.

No one is poor, in this country.

So, today is my Friday. I have Tues/Wed off so they're my weekend.  Today was busy day at work, which makes for a long day when its your Friday.  I am tired and with the time change, I was dragging my ass all day.

I am still recovering financially from taking those almost 2 weeks off to recover from the flu/concussion. I got paid and it was more than expected, so yay!  But still trying to do dinner on a budget with food everyone will like. Not easy!   So, I said to Andrew can we just order a pizza, and keep it under $30.  I would spend 30 at the grocery store, of course, it would be semi more healthy, but I wanted something quick and ready for when I got home.  So he did, he got us pizza, and to save money, I picked it up.

I got the pizza place and an interesting dialogue occured and I can't stop thinking about it!!

I said "I am here to pick up an order for McKay"
and there is this guy who owns the place fixing the door and he says "Dr. McKay?"
I said "I wish!"
he asked "why?"
I said "Duh, I would be rich!"
he said to me "you are rich!"
I said "pshaw, no..I am seriously not. I am poor!"
he said "how are you poor?
I said "I guess I am not poor, just in debt"
he said "You have home? car? job? pizza?"
I said "Well, ya and all this costs money and I don't have much of it"
he said "No one, in this country, is poor"
I looked at him and I said "perspective"
he nodded "This country, you have homes, jobs, money, schools, healthcare, welfare, no one is poor"
I said "All very true"

I took my pizza and ran. I hate talks like that. But all the way home, I thought. Perspective. I have a big house in a great neighbourhood. Hubby and I have our own cars.  We both have jobs. Our kids go to a charter school. We are always able to feed our children. Our children are healthy.  If we didn't have all that. There are social programs out there to help us. We do have assets to liquidate if necessary. I then thought of where he might of come from, maybe for him, he was poor. But here, he has a business, healthcare, safety, homes, etc.  We are very lucky in Canada.

Currently, my expenses are higher than our income. Currently, I am in financial strain, and have to choose very wisely how I spend those two pennies I am rubbing together. Currently, I am broke. Andrew dropping his six figure salary and taking a huge paycut, then using our life savings to start his company hurt us.  Me, leaving my position at Meyers Norris Penny and losing half of my salary for my dream job, hurt us.  But at the end the day, we are happy.

We will get over our financial doom, and one day be OK, because, we are not poor.

I just ate 5 one bite brownies and thinking of more. I have stopped  biting my nails.  I am loving that they are growing slowly.  That is all.

Goal? To Live.

I watched an reunion episode of the mtv show "I used to be fat".  That show is about teens who sign up for a summer to work with a personal trainer in attempts to gain a healthier lifestyle.  Its like, the Biggest Loser, but on a much smaller scale, and not a game/reality show way.  Watching those teens walk on stage having either maintained their weight loss or have had further weight loss, was amazing. Hearing how its changed them and their families.  I want that.  I sometimes give up (re: cake incident).  Those kids were talking about how hard it was to do it, and that there is no easy way.  That you have to stick with it.  They mostly said, losing weight was easy with the trainer, but after that support was gone and they needed to maintain, that's when it got really hard.  But at the end of the day, working hard yields great results.  I want to live and I want to see me one year from now, healthy and wearing normal sized clothes.

My friend Kelly and Rita have had amazing results and have been inspiring me to be better and do better. I lost 15lbs doing my Biggest Loser competition at work, and I have gained 2 back. I want them and quite a bit more gone!  I know with help I can do it!  Currently, our break schedule at work goes like this: work 2 hrs get a 15 min break. Work 2 hrs, get a 45 min lunch, work two hours get a 15 min break, work 2 hrs, then home.  

Rita has changed her schedule around to switch her last 15 min break for her 45.  She eats breakfast, work 2 hrs, eats on her 15, works 2 hrs, eats on her 15, works 2 hrs, then on 45 min break, goes to the gym to the elliptical trainer, cleans up quickly, and back to work for 2 hrs.  I think I am going to see if this would work for me. I am going to see if I can get this schedule and try it out for a week.

If anyone wants to join me in a 5k this summer, I have done some research on how to train for a 5K.  Obviously, eating right is a big part for me, but I need to be able to last for 5K!  When on treadmill, I usually do about 2K so this will be harder!  I am hoping to have some friends join me. I have found 2 races that interest me.  The first one is the Ronald McDonald House on August 7.  Then I searched again, hoping to find an Autism/Asperger one and I did find one for Allies of Autism and there's is in September.

Why Ronald McDonald? Hilary has a dear friend who is currently in BC and her family is staying at the Ronald McDonald house as we speak. I think it would be great to encourage her to fundraise and do that race. Me? I am just looking for a race!

Why Autism? Most of you know, my son has Aspergers, and that would be great to do as a family. I am thinking back to the Parenthood episode of their family doing a 5K run/walk for Autism. I want that too!

If you are interested in joining me or sponsoring me, let me know. I haven't set up yet. As soon as registered to one of them, I will let you know :)  I can also post some training info that I have found to help us all out!

The Mexican Curse

So, normally my life is uber boring.  Nothing exciting happens unless my teenager does something dramatic.  My marriage is sound, we don't fight.  My teenager and I have a great relationship.  Sure, my son has Aspergers, but he's high functioning, and has a great sense of humour, so normally its easy to live with it.  My job is easy and I don't bring it home.  My weight, I work on it constantly and keep a positive attitude. I have great friends always there to support me at a moments notice.

In a nutshell, life is good.

Except lately.

I had a FANTASTIC vacation. As previously blogged, I hit my head and have a concussion.  I have been home since February 16th.  At my work, as soon as you reach 8 absences, you go on Short Term Disability automatically.  Which means, I won't get paid from my job, but from my Sun Life Insurance.  There is a form the doctor needs to fill out to complete my documentation for Sun Life.  I found out the Doctor I need to sign it, is away until March 13th.  Plus, a Doctor filling out the form isn't covered under Alberta Healthcare, so I have to pay $195.00 to get him to fill it out. But again, I have to wait.

As some of you know, I went to the same walk in clinic yesterday and the good Doctor who helped me with my health issues, felt that either I had a viral infection and not a concussion, or I had both.  As previously mentioned, I have always thought I had both.  Anyways. Recovery time on both of those is undetermined.  This is not my first concussion, my last one had me in the hospital for a week.

So, im recovering very slowly.  Today is my best day yet, no "spells" at all. So far. *knock on wood*.   But I seem to be a run of bad luck.  None of it is really a big deal but here is a run down:

• concussion/fever
• short term disability
• doctor away till march 13th
• gotta pay 195.00 to get the forms filled out
• Quinn puked all over his bed and has a fever today
• My car wouldn't start

Seriously, I will get over all of these with time and patience.  I'm not upset about them or overly concerned when I sit and really think about them. I will get thru all of this, and lessons will be learned.

The thing is, I know why all this is happening. You can call it Karma, but I am referring to it as The Mexican Curse. It is imposed upon those who are selfish.  I have The Mexican Curse.  What did I do? Let me tell you....

In Cozumel, during The Amazing Race, when we were on the boat, and back to the pier, I stole something.  Everyone was almost off the boat, and under my bench where I was sitting, floating in the water under my bench was a $20 USD bill. Someone had dropped it, and instead of asking anyone, or placing in our captain's tip jar, I pocketed it.  I know it wasn't from the tip jar, as it was tucked away and it was not possible that it would fly out. So, I took it.  I then hit my head exiting the boat.  The first of things to go wrong.

Feeling guilty about taking that money, I bought us all drinks at one of the clues. I got tipsy and spilled sangria all over my white shirt.. That was a sign, but I ignored it.

I have The Mexican Curse because I was selfish in Mexico. If I could do a do over, I would put that money in the tip jar on the boat.